Title: "our history is just in our blood"
Author: monimala
Fandom: "General Hospital"
Rating/Classification: AC, Sonny, slash-ish, angst, ficlet.
Disclaimer: One line and one twisted mind stolen shamelessly from the GH writers and the title is Tom McRae. None of this belongs to me.
Summary: After years of trying to maintain control, Sonny Corinthos is falling apart. This is just a little speculation on what's going on in his head.

Deke was pretty. Gleaming. Confident and strutting like some piece of work. Around 2:32 in the morning, he remembers that and he thinks, maybe, that's why he hates Jax so much. Why he can't forgive Jason. Because they gleam. Because they're so fucking pretty that it makes him jerk awake screaming while he remembers sweaty hands on his eleven-year-old dick in the dark...sweaty hands and sirens roaring in the distance. July in Bensonhurst was always steaming, sticky, burning.

He wants to cut Jax and see if he bleeds sugar.

More than that, he wants to press his tongue to the open wound and taste it.

Because he's never really known sweet. Just bitter.

He's had to scrape and struggle and fight for everything he has. Just like he scraped and struggled and fought to keep out of the closet...to keep Deke's hands off him while his mother cried and pleaded on his behalf.

And now he's got nothing. After all that work. After survival.

His best friend disrespects him by sleeping with his sister. And Jax ...Jax thinks he's so perfect, so moral, so much better. And Carly ...Carly has his child in her belly and she might not even be able to keep it safe because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve a child of his own. Much less a wife, a family.

He knows this.

He doesn't gleam. He's never shined. He's tarnished and dirty and cheap inside and out.

But he did learn one crucial lesson from his stepfather: how to show one face to the world and another to those at home. How to fake it. How to smile with teeth as he curls his fists. How to laugh as he breaks things and whisper like a lover when he calls a woman a 'whore.' How to make a man twice his size swallow pride and come.

He wants to cut Jax and see if he bleeds sugar.

More than that, he wants to press his tongue to the open wound and taste it.

Because he's never really known sweet. Just bitter.

 

--end--

March 28, 2003.



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